The Dentist
I love flowers. I love Autumn weather. I love the color yellow. I love lots of things. One thing you will never find on my "I Love" list is Dentists. They are not bad people, they just chose a profession that makes me cry. I'm pretty sure that most dentists were bullies in elementary school. They made me cringe then... they make me cringe now.
Yesterday, I had to go to the dentist. I had a terrible experience when I was 18 or 19 and have been nervous with anyone specializing in the dental arts since then. So yesterday, at 12:50, I drove into the parking lot of my dentist and did some quick breathing exercises.
Inhale. Exhale. I am an adult.
Inhale. Exhale. I am strong.
Inhale. Exhale. I'm going to up-chuck.
So, the breathing exercises didn't go so well, but I forced myself to let go of the iron grip I had on my steering wheel and went inside and checked in. Then I sat down next to the coffee pot. Why do they put coffee pot in dentist's office waiting rooms? I just brushed my teeth for 45 minutes preparing myself for the spelunking expedition this stranger was about to start in my mouth and you offer me coffee?!? Anyway... I digress.
I sat and waited for my name to be called. "Christy? Christina? No. Christa?" Yeah. That was me. I went and sat in a chair that smelled of shoe polish and waited for my doom. I knew that I had 5 cavities (I know, I know!) and they would need to be filled. A man walks in and introduces himself as Dr. something (I was once again concentrating on my breathing exercises) and then proceeds to lean the shoe polish chair back so that my legs are flailing in the air and blood rushes to my head. I thought seriously about the need for seat belts in these chairs while he took the spot light and focused it on my mouth. Then came the dreaded words, "Open Wide." *shudder*
He knew already which teeth needed fillings and proceeds to make jokes to his assistant about fantasy football drafts and anniversary trips to Eureka Springs. I try not to slide out of my chair and land head first on the tile.
He then takes a needle the size of a bazooka and aims it at my mouth. "This is the bad one. After this it gets better." He then shoves 18 inches of needle into my oral cavity and then slowly into my brain and out the back of my head. (that's what it felt like to me!) He then removes it, gets another needle and says, "This is the bad one. After this it gets better." I am starting to doubt this man. Another needle plunges into my mouth and out my ear. Then a new needle and the same reassurance, "This is the bad one..." and this one came out around my chin. By now the left side of my face feels like a swollen dart board, but I'm beginning to feel some relief, a strange soothing sensation, a tiny tingle and then NOTHING. I felt nothing. I could bite my tongue, stab my cheek, get a nose ring, I don't think it mattered! I was numb! The dentist left to allow me time to fully numb and I read a magazine while trying to figure out a comfortable way to sit in the chair without losing consciousness due to the ridiculous angle. He returned later and tapped on my lip, when I felt it, he took out another bazooka needle had me open wide and forced more medicine into my already swimming head. Then he left.
By the time he came back, my whole head was like a balloon, a happy little balloon with no problems. They ask me again if I am numb. I nod. The dentist then noticed my enormous preggo belly. "Are you expecting?" I nod. "Do you know what it is?" "A bow." (the left side of my mouth no longer responds to any direction from my brain! Why is this man asking me questions?!?) "Do you have a name picked out?" I nod. "What?" "Chaas Deffin" "Excuse me?" "Chhhasss Defffin" He looks at me and nods. "I like it." Um, what? I'm trying to say Charles Devan but with 50% of my mouth and tongue out of commission, it's not happening! You just said you liked the name Chaas Deffin! This is the guy that going to be drilling into my face?
Then it was time, the assistant crammed something in my jaw to keep my mouth open and they started diving into my mouth with more metal objects then I knew could fit in one oral cavity. Clamps, drills, scrapers, some weird contraption with screws on it, more and more they crammed in there. I shut my eyes. I don't know why when my kids go to the dentist they get to sit in a chair and watch Dora the Explorer on a TV over the chair and I get to stare at white ceiling tiles from 1975... just a thought.
I lay in the chair for an hour and a half, trying to think of my happy place while the smell of burning tooth wafts up into the air from the drill the man is using to jackhammer away at my poor teeth! The numbness is strong and I don't feel a thing, but the dentist is strong and my head shakes back and forth as he presses weird substances into micro holes in my teeth. He's polishing up the last tooth when he says, "Oops! Nicked your gums there." and the assistant starts mopping up the blood that is flowing from my mouth. Have you ever had a bleeding mouth that you can't feel? It's disturbing, we'll leave it at that. The dentist and his assistant proceed to talk about children's movies and ask me questions like "Have you seen Megamind?" I nod and go back to my happy place. They also start talking about toys they had when they were younger and they couldn't remember the word for marionette. I remembered, but they just talked about the fact they couldn't remember the word for 5 minutes while I'm mentally screaming, "It's a marionette! They were in Sound of Music! Pinnochio! Come on!" But what could I do?
Finally, we started getting to the end of the procedure. We are rounding third and headed for home. I am now almost asleep due to the blood rushing to my head, my feet are tingling and I feel a pool of drool forming at the nape of my neck. Beautiful. I was one hot mess. But, I was done. Cavities filled. Done.
They set me up and as the blood redistributes, I am dizzy and a little bit off my game, but I make it out of the office and back to the safety of my Honda Odyssey, which is a dentist free zone. It was a rough day. I was sore and tingly the rest of the day, but the feeling of accomplishment over surviving was incredible.
I am an adult.
I am strong.
I will go back in 10 years.
Yesterday, I had to go to the dentist. I had a terrible experience when I was 18 or 19 and have been nervous with anyone specializing in the dental arts since then. So yesterday, at 12:50, I drove into the parking lot of my dentist and did some quick breathing exercises.
Inhale. Exhale. I am an adult.
Inhale. Exhale. I am strong.
Inhale. Exhale. I'm going to up-chuck.
So, the breathing exercises didn't go so well, but I forced myself to let go of the iron grip I had on my steering wheel and went inside and checked in. Then I sat down next to the coffee pot. Why do they put coffee pot in dentist's office waiting rooms? I just brushed my teeth for 45 minutes preparing myself for the spelunking expedition this stranger was about to start in my mouth and you offer me coffee?!? Anyway... I digress.
I sat and waited for my name to be called. "Christy? Christina? No. Christa?" Yeah. That was me. I went and sat in a chair that smelled of shoe polish and waited for my doom. I knew that I had 5 cavities (I know, I know!) and they would need to be filled. A man walks in and introduces himself as Dr. something (I was once again concentrating on my breathing exercises) and then proceeds to lean the shoe polish chair back so that my legs are flailing in the air and blood rushes to my head. I thought seriously about the need for seat belts in these chairs while he took the spot light and focused it on my mouth. Then came the dreaded words, "Open Wide." *shudder*
He knew already which teeth needed fillings and proceeds to make jokes to his assistant about fantasy football drafts and anniversary trips to Eureka Springs. I try not to slide out of my chair and land head first on the tile.
He then takes a needle the size of a bazooka and aims it at my mouth. "This is the bad one. After this it gets better." He then shoves 18 inches of needle into my oral cavity and then slowly into my brain and out the back of my head. (that's what it felt like to me!) He then removes it, gets another needle and says, "This is the bad one. After this it gets better." I am starting to doubt this man. Another needle plunges into my mouth and out my ear. Then a new needle and the same reassurance, "This is the bad one..." and this one came out around my chin. By now the left side of my face feels like a swollen dart board, but I'm beginning to feel some relief, a strange soothing sensation, a tiny tingle and then NOTHING. I felt nothing. I could bite my tongue, stab my cheek, get a nose ring, I don't think it mattered! I was numb! The dentist left to allow me time to fully numb and I read a magazine while trying to figure out a comfortable way to sit in the chair without losing consciousness due to the ridiculous angle. He returned later and tapped on my lip, when I felt it, he took out another bazooka needle had me open wide and forced more medicine into my already swimming head. Then he left.
By the time he came back, my whole head was like a balloon, a happy little balloon with no problems. They ask me again if I am numb. I nod. The dentist then noticed my enormous preggo belly. "Are you expecting?" I nod. "Do you know what it is?" "A bow." (the left side of my mouth no longer responds to any direction from my brain! Why is this man asking me questions?!?) "Do you have a name picked out?" I nod. "What?" "Chaas Deffin" "Excuse me?" "Chhhasss Defffin" He looks at me and nods. "I like it." Um, what? I'm trying to say Charles Devan but with 50% of my mouth and tongue out of commission, it's not happening! You just said you liked the name Chaas Deffin! This is the guy that going to be drilling into my face?
Then it was time, the assistant crammed something in my jaw to keep my mouth open and they started diving into my mouth with more metal objects then I knew could fit in one oral cavity. Clamps, drills, scrapers, some weird contraption with screws on it, more and more they crammed in there. I shut my eyes. I don't know why when my kids go to the dentist they get to sit in a chair and watch Dora the Explorer on a TV over the chair and I get to stare at white ceiling tiles from 1975... just a thought.
I lay in the chair for an hour and a half, trying to think of my happy place while the smell of burning tooth wafts up into the air from the drill the man is using to jackhammer away at my poor teeth! The numbness is strong and I don't feel a thing, but the dentist is strong and my head shakes back and forth as he presses weird substances into micro holes in my teeth. He's polishing up the last tooth when he says, "Oops! Nicked your gums there." and the assistant starts mopping up the blood that is flowing from my mouth. Have you ever had a bleeding mouth that you can't feel? It's disturbing, we'll leave it at that. The dentist and his assistant proceed to talk about children's movies and ask me questions like "Have you seen Megamind?" I nod and go back to my happy place. They also start talking about toys they had when they were younger and they couldn't remember the word for marionette. I remembered, but they just talked about the fact they couldn't remember the word for 5 minutes while I'm mentally screaming, "It's a marionette! They were in Sound of Music! Pinnochio! Come on!" But what could I do?
Finally, we started getting to the end of the procedure. We are rounding third and headed for home. I am now almost asleep due to the blood rushing to my head, my feet are tingling and I feel a pool of drool forming at the nape of my neck. Beautiful. I was one hot mess. But, I was done. Cavities filled. Done.
They set me up and as the blood redistributes, I am dizzy and a little bit off my game, but I make it out of the office and back to the safety of my Honda Odyssey, which is a dentist free zone. It was a rough day. I was sore and tingly the rest of the day, but the feeling of accomplishment over surviving was incredible.
I am an adult.
I am strong.
I will go back in 10 years.
I love this!!!!!!!! so accurate! i am the exact same!
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