My Method to the Madness

Trusting God in the good times is easy, natural, it just happens. He's taking care of you, so yeah, trust. No prob. What happens when he painfully rips you away from your church family, allows slander to come against your character and your husband and prevents you from obtaining your new home He promised you would have? Where's the trust then? Where is the trust when the waves are taller and the anchor seems so far away? That trust is where it's always been. In the arms of the Father, waiting for you to run to them, soak them up and bask in the warmth of who He is. He gives us peace, we trust Him. He gives us comfort, we trust Him. It isn't easy or natural, it fights against our inclination to always plan ahead, know the answers, prepare for what is coming. It isn't easy, but it is beautiful. "Our real identity is not in the Sin we battle, but in the Savior we embrace"- Rosaria Butterfield  "Sometimes when you're in a dark place, you thin...

I may not be a pro in much, but i feel as though the Lord would like to me to full grasp the lessons of loss. Oh my word, in the last 5 years we have lost 2 pregnancies, 1 tiny baby boy, we left a job with 8 girls that we so loved at OBHC and started a new calling at SHBC only to be unexplicably fired after 3 years of faithful service. Loss. Another loss. We have so much to be thankful for, but why? Why were we humiliated and lied about? Why did we have to walk this road, we have already hurt so much. We have already given up so much and remained faithful to the Lord and His call on our lives, we didn't turn away, we didn't give up and go secular, we stayed in the ministry and close to the Lord who had always walked with us. Then... failure. We sat down in a conference room where we had been loved on and invested in. Jamie wore a blue shirt, his eyes were cold and the sparkle was gone. The love for us and our ministry was gone. The connection of three years of walking together...

It's June. The days are warmer, the nights are longer and our anniversary is right around the corner. It's the first time in our almost 7 year marriage, that we have absolutely nothing planned and we are thrilled! Nothing. We want to do nothing. We want to sleep, watch movies, read books, picnic with our children and perhaps sleep some more. Why this lack-luster plan for this day to celebrate? Because our sweet marriage has gotten beautifully simple. We laugh more, we love unconditionally and fiercely, we forgive quickly and we talk. Oh we talk. Everyday with my husband, best friend and now my co-worker, is a celebration of June 10, 2006. Every night we lay down exhausted, remembering all the things we forgot to do, all the insane conversations we had with children, all the chores that got done, errands that were run, and eyes that were rolled in our general direction. There is not a single person on this entire planet that I could do this job with besides my love, and he kn...

I am not who I used to be. My whole entire world has been flipped upside down by one phone call and 7 teenage girls. The phone call said we got the job as House Parents at Oklahoma Baptist Homes for Children. The seven teenage girls are the girls that I take care of morning and night for 3 weeks a month. I love them all. Got trusted me with 3 beautiful children, and 7 amazing house daughters. I am not who I used to be. 5 months in and I am tired, busy and overworked. I am also happier than I have ever been in my 28 years on this planet. They change my world, every day. They make me stronger, better, more compassionate, more aware. They make me angry, they make me cry, they make me feel like an idiot. They make me smile, they make me laugh so hard I can't breath, they make me proud. When they hug me, I am changed, encouraged, filled up. They take my breath away. I am not who I used to be, God has made me so much more. I am tired, I am ecstatic, I am a mother of 10.

 Life has been beautifully busy lately! It's tiring but so much fun! Bailey's been in gymnastics for a couple months now and is really enjoying it. She's in it with one of her best friends, Channing, so it's been fun to see them do gymnastics together! She had a recital a few weeks ago and did great! She's in the preschool class so it was definitely the more adorable part of the routine! Bailey is all the way to the left, her friend Channing is all the way on the right.  Bailey went around and did a little routine where she showed what she could do on each of the apparatuses.  This is her on the pomal horse (sp?), she did great! She also did the bar, the balance beam, a frontward and backward roll, 3 "cartwheels" and some jumps. It was precious.  At the end, every girl got a trophy and certificate and got to stand on top of the podium and get her picture taken. It was such a fun, special evening with my little girl. She doesn't get tons of atten...

This little guy has turned my world upside down. I love it. He smiles and laughs, he wiggles and holds his head up like a champ. He loves lying under his activity gym and kicks and kicks. He wakes up happy every morning and starts my day with bright brown eyes and 2 incredible dimples. I am so, so, in love with my Little D.

Being a mom isn't easy. It doesn't come to you overnight, everyday brings new challenges, new questions, new concerns. Devan doesn't care if I'm tired at 5:30am and he's hungry. Caden doesn't understand why I can't get out of the shower to help him get his car from under the couch and Bailey wants to dance ALL the time. Sometimes, I can't dance. They don't understand why mom isn't on call to them all day, and it can be overwhelming. Yet, this job is the ONLY thing I want to do. God made me to be a mom. He gave me big hips to hold my babies, long arms to cradle them to sleep and He gave me a huge heart with room for all of them. Having three children that are 4 and under is not an easy feat, but everyday is so full of adventures and surprises. Devan surprises me with how much he grows and how fast he is learning to make new noises and laugh. Caden is becoming very verbal and has an amazing sense of humor. Bailey amazes me with her compassion for ...

He can laugh now and roll from back to front. He sleeps well, eats well and smiles easily. He talks and talks and loves to listen to music. I'm so crazy in love with this little guy.

Easter this year was beautiful. We had a huge Easter egg hunt in Chuck and Dana's back yard. It was so much fun and the kids did great! It was such an amazing day celebrating our victory in Christ. I'm so blessed to be surrounded by an amazing group of Christian family and friends that understand just how exciting Easter really is!

Last Saturday, Jason and I went to a house warming party. The host and hostess and a "cat" like thing named Turkey. This is a picture of their "cat" climbing on their stuffed wolf. They are a delightfully entertaining couple. As you can tell, Turkey is no ordinary cat. He is hairless. Jason and I are allergic to cats, but we thought that because Turkey was hairless, we wouldn't be allergic. We were wrong. We both left a very fun party with watery eyes, sneezing and wheezing. It wasn't pretty. Well, we expected to feel fine the next day after a shower and some allergy medicine. We were wrong. I realized my wheezing wasn't going away, but it was Sunday, so we were busy and made it through the day. Monday was worse, Jason started getting really congested. Tuesday we both woke up with semi trucks driving on our sinuses. Jason stayed home from work which NEVER happens and I went to work in the morning and came home and cras...

Jason has been gone for 4 days. While this is not a big deal for some women (wives of business travelers, military, professional athletes and astronauts) it IS a big deal for me. I knew that he had the conference for the last few months, but I never expected it to be this hard! When it comes to my job (part time childcare worker at my church), I'm pretty self sufficient, and I also take care of the house. Jason doesn't have a lot of responsibilities when it comes to the house, so I wasn't worried about 5 days without Jason. I knew I would miss him, but I wasn't worried about things running smoothly... I was wrong. So, Jason always gets the kids loaded in the car with all their belongings and all buckled in their seats... He also takes care of the dog. Feeds, waters, moving her from kennel to outside to inside to kennel, he also just loves on her. He also helps with dinner dishes, especially after a special dinner when I'm really tired from cooking. That ...

Jason is off at a conference for a week in San Jose, CA.  He's learning all the newest information and technologies to help him do his job as best as possible. He is so excited, he says he can't wait to speak "SEO nerd" to everyone else. He is at THIS conference. So, while he is having an amazing time in California, I get to experience life as a single parent to three. Well, on day one Bailey came down with a bulging ear infection and my trip to see Sarah in Little Rock was cancelled. So... woot. But, we did get her in to see the doctor and she has antibiotics, so she should be getting better soon. Caden also has a minor ear infection and Devan is still coughing from RSV (which is what the doctor thinks caused the older kids' ear infections). Bailey does like to announce to anyone who makes eye contact that she has an "ear inception". She's gotten a lot of laughs for that, so I don't think I'll correct her until later on.

Poor Devan has been fighting some congestion for a few days, so we took him to the doctor. Turned out he has RSV and Bronchiolitis . He has lots and lots of mucus in his lungs and it's making it hard to eat, sleep and breath. Poor guy. We took him back to the doctor for a follow up appointment yesterday and they gave him a breathing treatment and sent a nebulizer home with us and the poor boy gets breathing treatments every four hours. Luckily, I'm a nebulizer professional because Andrew had asthma growing up and I used to give him breathing treatments occasionally. So, now my little guy is getting used to the mask and we're praying that the medicine works and he starts to improve. Because he's sick we had to cancel Jason's birthday party... so now it'll be a quiet night at home. I don't mind that at all.

I found this pictures while updating pictures for my walls.  It made me laugh. So many sweet memories in my life.  I just wanted to share.

 This Christmas we made sushi with my family in Montana. I made one semi-successful roll and really loved it! I thought that sushi was exclusively in the seafood category, so I never really tried it, but I learned that you can put chicken and beef in sushi, so we have started trying new things and decided to have a sushi party. We bought a sushi rolling kit at Target and bought out the Asian food aisle at Reasor's. Then it was time to clean. As most of you know, my children are incredible. They are well behaved, they are brilliant and lately, they've become extremely helpful! I gave them each jobs and they did great! Caden helped load the dishwasher, vacuum the living room carpet and wipe down the tables. Bailey cleaned the front bathroom and swept the floors. While they didn't do a perfect job, they were so cute and both just wanted to help. It was awesome.   Finally it was time for the party. We had 2 couples over from church with their kids and then a couple fro...

 Charles Devan Clark 10 weeks old 11 lbs 21 1/2 inches I love him.